One Latino Thought Trump should be President and That I worked for the LAPD

So, I drove this man the other day down to UPS. He took a photo of me while I was driving and kept asking me if I was an investigator for the LAPD. He was laughing and sending the photo to his cousin.

Of course not. I'm the furthest from a cop, you'll ever see.

I asked him about the election.

He told me that for him, being Latino, he doesn't like Trump. However, he thinks Trump is better for the United states even though he knows he is a Latino. He said he would vote for Hillary because he thinks she likes Latinos but he thinks Trump is better for America. I asked why, but his English wasn't great, so I still don't fully know the reasons.

I never talk about politics on facebook, so don't yell at me. I just found it interesting.

I asked him to say it on camera. But, he kept asking me if I was a cop.

He was typing into his phone to the guy in the backseat. They may or may not have been up to something illegal, I just don't know.

Then, he types in to his translator and shows it to me.

It says:

Do you think if I did something wrong, I'd be out on the street free?

I said, yes, as long as you didn't get caught.

Then he types something to the effect of

I didn't do anything, I'm just asking.

As a Lyft driver, sometimes people are curious if you are going to tell on them, but I only do with their permission.

Moris and Mary

Moris got in my car on Beverly, just a few blocks from where I get my Starbucks. Somewhere near a little Motel on Beverly. This is my morning beat.

He tells me his phone isn't working and that he kept calling Lyft but no one answered and his morning is frustrated and that a nice man at the motel called me for him and then I came in seconds.

He tells me he likes my voice and my accent is soothing. I ask him where his is from and he tells me France.

I ask how he's doing.

He tells me his wife is in a rehab and he's going to visit her.

I ask him if it is for drugs or for something else.

He tells me Mary had a cerebral event that caused her to stop speaking or walking. Moris is in his 70s, a scorpio. Mary is a Taurus.

Moris has been married to Mary for 42 years. Mary had something happen that no doctors can figure out. He looked over at her in the morning one day and she could not communicate. He took her to UCLA, where they performed an MRI. The doctor told Moris that this was going to be hell if he kept any form of hope alive, because the likelihood of her getting better was remote.

She is the moon and the stars of my heart, he tells me.

For two years, he's been driving from Laguna to Santa Monica to visit her. For two years, he gets in his car even though the doctors tell him she isn't going to get better. For two years, he waits for his love to speak to him. He says that she recognizes his voice, but that mostly she sleeps.

I tell him to move closer or he's going to wear himself out. His son lives close by and he is currently staying with him. 

I keep asking questions, did it happen all at once or did it happen over time. I ask if it was an aneurysm or something else. He says there was an event on her right lobe but not something they were used to seeing and that her right lobe is damaged.

Suddenly, it looked like a bomb went off in the distance. It looked like a bomb. I point it out and keep asking questions. Moris tells me I am a good person. Moris tells me I'm the best person he's met in awhile because I actually care and feel terrible that this happened to him and his wife.

I tell him I'm not that good. My ex is in trouble I can't help him because he can't get sober.

He somehow sees that as a good thing, that I can admit when I'm beat and though my voice is soft I am very very strong. I say, not at all. I am a failure in life. I am a writer, whose book hasn't sold. I have no money, no children, no house. I don't even have an Android charger.

Moris reads me a poem, it is in a foreign language and he speaks a line in that language and then says it in english. It is a real poem, not just someone playing at it. It is a poem written from someone with a poet's soul.

Who wrote that, I ask him.

She did.

We get to Santa Monica and I drop him off, we say our goodbyes like, Moris--you and I are okay, we will survive it. And he tells me he wishes me luck and to keep writing things down.

I watch him walk off and look at how many rides I have left to do today, but he was my first one.

Axl Folie in my Lyft Car

Allow yaself to caress the luxurious fur sofas n velvet walls of these paragraphs n enjoy the parables nahmean. Some yall been waitin on this shit for a minute n I apologize for all that. Word yo…its that time of year where we give credit where its due n honor the hardest muthafuckas in this here game.

It was early as f.

I was driving around this cute guy named Lorenzo. He was a songwriter who just had an appendectomy. I took him to 7-11 for a pack of smokes. He bought me a Glass Starbucks in Vanilla. We chatted about Kelly Clarkson, who he was in the studio with. But, like always, I thought he said Kelly Claussen, cause I mishear people a lot. Anyway, we were singing in the car and talking for the four blocks I drove him and when I dropped him off I got a call.

The name on my app was "Absolut" with no photo.

(It was a cooler name but I want to protect Axl's identity to the extent that I am here to protect it)

And I drove down a street somewhere off Hollywood.

I didn't see him out there, so I called him.

The app always asks me if I really want to call them and I always really do.

He picked up the call and came down and got in.

He was quiet and I was playing The Great Gatsby soundtrack. I think it was that Crazy Right Now song by someone other than Beyonce or Snow Patrol.

He asks if I mind making a stop and for all of you who know, if you stop you are supposed to put it in the app, which I asked him to do. Either way, we stopped at a Bank which was recently in the news and I think I made small talk about that or this election or some crap about the streets in Hollywood being so beautiful in the mornings.

He was cool. Quiet and mysterious.

Of all the guys in my car, he was the most mysterious.

He asks if he can drink the water in the back seat, but I didn't put water back there and take a look and say: you better not--who can tell what's in that? Instantly I feel embarrassed I don't have water, so I offer him a gum. Spearmint. Eclipse (the only gum that doesn't break down in your mouth) and he takes it. I gave Phillip Seymour Hoffman a gum once as well. This is my claim to some kind of brush with fame. Gum.

He was trying to play something on his phone, and I asked if he'd like to play it through my stereo. And we tried, but my brand new car's stereo only works half the time at best and I cannot take it in until after this bonus stuff. Anyway, I apologize for my radio and we chat about something totally innocent like how the trees are green this side of town and my car radio is making me feel some kind of way.

So, I said can I hear it and I put it up to my ear. It was really good, something about it reminded me of Kendrick Lamar.

I ask him what he does and he tells me he's a producer and makes beats. I think I told him he can send me stuff if he wants to. I didn't know who he was at the time. So, I was trying to tell him how this city can eat you up and told him about the time I sang on Suzi Quattro's record and didn't get paid because the guy I was sleeping with paid me for the session but not for being on the album.

He's all, yeah, you gotta get those things in writing. 

I put on Kendrick Lamar and he quietly says, I worked on this. I said really? He said, yeah--told me his name and said to look him up.

Axl Folie is one half of the producing team THC with Rick Bricks. Both LA natives, both cool as fuck.

They are the masterminds behind Dom Kennedy, Kendrick Lamar, and Schoolboy Q.

Cool guy, that Axl Folie. I'd drive that guy anywhere.

Here are the things I would have asked him were I to not be so freaking exhausted.

When was the first time you fell in love?

Axl:

Who was the first musician that made you want to do this?

Axl:

Why do you sit their all quiet-like?

Axl:

You ever been with a Pisces?

Something Weird Happened Down by USC

So, I'm down by USC and I've got this Lyft-Line thing going on---which means more than one person will get in my car and I will take them two different places.

One guy, let's call him Luke, is in the front seat and we go to pick up another guy a few blocks away.

There's this giant street party, but the guy we are getting, Kory-Kahliehl, is coming from another direction. He opens the back door and sees me and the first passenger laughing.

He is large, like 6 foot 6 at least and he is handsome but has that look like we messed up somehow just by being there or like maybe he's angry at his girlfriend or all girls everywhere and even smaller boys like the one in my front seat. Or maybe that's the cool kid look now, I can't really tell, but I'm down to take him to where he is going and see whatever  is in this guy's large mind. But, when he sits down, my whole car takes the weight of him and lowers substantially.

"Where are you going," I say.

"I'm going to Pussy Bushmill's."

"Did you say Pussy Bushmill's?"

"Yeah, it's in West Hollywood."

Then I got weird, like this weirdness of what is Pussy Bushmill's and where is the other guy going. I look at Luke in the front and ask him where he is going and I try to not laugh but laughs are coming out of me despite myself. Like they do---I even laugh during sex sometimes, because I just think of something ridiculous and this was like that. I couldn't stop.

I'm driving away, not really sure where I am going Culver City, West Hollywood, some Pussy place, and I drive around the corner.

Kory-Kahlieh tells me to stop the car. And I take the command and do so.

"I'm getting out."

So, Kory-Kahliehl left us there, by the side of the road.

Luke goes, "Well, that was unusual. Does that happen a lot?"

I tell him no --- this is the first time and I ask if he thinks I offended him in some way.  But Luke assures me, you were perfectly polite. I say, maybe he thought we were laughing and like friends and he felt left out, but we missed that guy. Good Ol' Kory-Kahliehl was okay in our book.

So, Luke and I drive off with Luke looking up Pussy Bushmill's on his phone and us trying to figure what happened to Kory-Kahliehl and we laughed despite ourselves all the way to Culver City.

Song Playing: Lana Del Rey's Video Games.
Car Snack: Swedish Fish.

Do you play basketball or are you in porn?

Literally.

So, dude gets in my car and he's like very tall. I ask what he does for a living and guess what? He isn't a basketball player. Someone six foot six does two things: basketball and or porn.

I learned that driving for Lyft.

He's charming and attractive like every other man I picked up this morning. He asks me if I want to have sex and sincerely I should say yes but I say no.

Then he asks me if I've ever been with a black man. I told him the real answer but here I plead the fifth.

Then, he asks what my favorite dirty thoughts are and asks if I want to see his penis. He starts to unbutton his pants. I'm driving and trying to pay attention to the road.

Then, he asks if I want to make some real money and I totally do but I know it means porn so I say no. I'm a writer.

He asks if I want to write him a story. A very filthy dirty story.

The fare was 5.35.

His name is Long.

- Posted using BlogPress from my iPhone

Driving for Lyft

All my friends want to know where I've been--the answer? Driving for Lyft.

Firstly, it's so much fun. Literally, it has restored my faith in humanity and restored my belief that humans are good and interesting and amazing!

Secondly, it has solidified the idea in me that big business is corrupt. Totally and completely corrupt. Does that mean you can't still have fun in its system with the right attitude? No. You can, but you need to be aware they are making money off your stupidity and your ignorance. So, watch carefully and realize you cannot win unless you adore lawsuits. But, lawsuits can be terrible too. Lots of injustice takes place in the world and the court systems and its participants are terribly corrupt, so you might have to sue, then get a corrupt judge, then appeal, then go to the supreme court when instead you should be making dinner and cuddling with your boyfriend. So.... it works sometimes. But, not in the way where you prove your case and they give you money. It is a life-sucking proposition. I have done it and won, and I have done it with corrupt judges and lost and appealed and won. Both take away from the joys of life, but it can be done and I encourage you to sue only if the wrong is totally egregious, because winning makes you feel better and winning money is GOOD. But, only if you don't have something more fun to do. And only if you like to fight.

Back to my story about Lyft:

I didn't have the right car of the right year. So, I started by renting, which cost a lot of money because I was also doing a movie and estate sales, my two other jobs. Rentals cost 206 per week, but literally you have to do it because you do need to know if you have the right personality type to drive full time and you do need to see if you can make money. So, I recommend renting and they will bonus you the car supposedly, but that didn't happen for me because I was working two other jobs.

However, you can also try new cars this way and see which ones you like. I wanted the Kia Soul, but you can't rent that one under Lyft's provisions.

However, after I determined I could drive and liked it, I bought an adorable Kia Soul and I'm driving. Actually, my mother bought it for me and I'm paying her back to avoid the insidiousness of the finance fees.

I want to get to the salacious stuff in a minute. But, first let me tell you how Lyft cheats their drivers.

I am making great money, that is true. However, Lyft is a cheat and that's why they get sued a lot. They have a new arbitration agreement. You need to tell them in writing that you opt-out of that clause for the right to sue them. Which I did repeatedly upon being informed of it. You should be clear that you are opting out of the arbitration agreement, but still want to drive for them. Do it in writing by mail. I did it by email, but that doesn't count if I go to court, so I'm not fully protected like you should be. So, do I as say, not as I do.

Bonuses:

They only SOMETIMES honor some of them.

My mentor added me a day early. I am in a bonus program and My mentor accidentally or on purpose added me a day early to the app, a day before I had a car even. When I pointed this out to Lyft, They keep claiming I am asking for an extension of time, though I really started on August 16 and they added me on August 15.  So, they are in effect stealing a day off the time I have to do the rides and pretending they can't fix it.

That is untrue. That is just what they are trained to say. They can and do fix everything in the app.

The bonus program I am in says if I do 1000 rides in 90 days, I get five grand. However, though it is almost impossible to do, I might be able to do it. They are cheating me out of a day though and every time I ask them, they act like they don't understand the question.

I told them I will sue, and you guys know me, I totally will, but what sucks is I like working for Lyft. They just have horrible support. They are a lot like AT&T. Seriously.

When a Rider Cancels They Will not Help you:

I've had a million riders cancel. That doesn't matter to me, however, when it does matter is when they are in your car and cancel. If they cancel and tell you, you pull over and ask them to re-ask for the ride. Which if they do, you think I've only driven for three blocks, it shouldn't be a worry. However, Lyft refuses to honor it. If you take a screenshot (which they require for any help) they still won't honor it. They say to you, the rider must not have liked you and even if you tell them, no, they made a mistake, I picked them up from their location and they asked for me again. They won't count it as two rides or honor the entire trip. So, they actually get the money, but we, as drivers don't. My fare, Anita didn't mean to cancel, but Lyft is the one that wins in that scenario. It's not worth fighting unless you have a mentor like I do and can go scream at him at Hertz, which I am going to do today. In front of 40 people. At that point it might be fixed but he will first tell me no. That is why he is a manager and I am not. I don't have it in me to be that corrupt.

Rental Bonus Not Being Honored:

I gave 65 rides in the week I was supposed to, in order to get the bonus. Lyft told me I got the bonus but still Hertz charged me $189 dollars and told me Lyft would pay me back. Lyft never did and Hertz never did. So, each week I go to ask about it, they claim it is administratively an error and they don't know what to do. Lyft is a Billion dollar company. What they should do is pay me and fight with Hertz themselves. Instead I paid and the bonus was not honored. Lyft sucks on levels like that, but I need to earn money so I keep driving.

After I bought A Car I was Charged for a Rental:

This one is crazy. I turned in my rental car on a Monday, but my mentor charged me two extra days in the app 77 dollars. Even when I pointed it out he only wanted to give me back half. I said I turned it in a day early, here is proof. I showed him a screenshot and he calmly  explained how Lyft steals if you aren't smart or careful. Um.. no. We charged because you didn't turn in the car by Tuesday. Only I did and a Paid for it despite having the bonus. So, I had proof in my bank account (that the money came out and in the app (showing I had a brand new car). He finally gave me back my money but I would have lost it had I not audited their app very carefully and gone in to throw a fit.

Lyft-Line Rides are not counted toward the bonus:

Lyft-Line is a cheaper way to get a ride. People share time in the car, but you still take them to two different destinations. This is a crappy way to cheat people out of bonuses.

WHAT? Seriously. If I give four Lyft-Line rides it is counted only as one. I asked for an audit, but Lyft is a big business and the only way you can do this is in a court of law. They will not provide me with one. They just cheat you out of the rides and then at the end, will say you didn't do them. I lost 35 rides this way counting toward my bonus. That makes me not want to give Lyft-Line rides at all. Lyft's response is, sorry, we don't understand the question.

I'm going to start posting their responses on here so you can see what I am actually dealing with.

If you want to write to them on my behalf and tell them how they need to fix my issues, their email is lyft@support.com or dassini@lyft.com (my mentor).

That's all... Up next, the time I drove a male prostitute... :)